So I was going to quilt for the next hour while Sharp Toes is sleeping, but I saw something on Facebook that's got me a little fired up! So, I decided to blog about it and start a challenge of my own. What could I possibly see that would convince me to give up a hour of back breaking quilting you ask? Well, first a little background. Many of you probably already know, but I'm working to take better care of my body. Starting with a goal to lose a total of 120 lbs. I've already lost 60ish of them (I cheated and had a baby) But I'm still far from finished. I've been using sparkpeople.com, and basically just trying to make little changes and better choices every day. Today I joined a fitness challenge the SDMchallenge http://slapdashmom.com/8-week-healthy-weight-loss-challenge-sdmchallenge/ If you want to join in. But one of the ladies on the facebook page said she was going to take a before picture and then said "It'll be gross just a warning" She then went on to say that she was embarrassed to tell us her weight because "I'm probably the biggest one on here." Ok, fine don't tell me how much you weigh. I don't care, but here's what bothers me. She said her body was "gross"!
Ok I'll give you this our bodies can and do do some pretty gross things. However, I am quickly coming to the conclusion that our bodies are miraculous! NOT gross. I don't care what condition a body is in, it is a miracle. A woman gave 7 - 10 months of her comfort and convenience to create that body. She in all likelihood went through the physical test of giving birth to create that body, who are you to call it "gross" Ok, so maybe I didn't take very good care of it. Is that my Body's fault? not usually. The choices we make every day tend to show up on our bodies, but really that is just another miracle of our bodies.
Call it a trip to new awakenings or a perspective challenge. I want to change the way I think about my body. I've had 30ish years of thinking negatively about it, I want to retrain my brain. So here's my challenge in two parts:
1) Take 5 minutes every day to thank my body for something specific it has done or helped me do that I could not have done without it. For example, holding/ feeding Sharp Toes, the way my muscles move when I take him for a walk, something I created using my body.
2) Cease all negative self talk starting NOW! This is going to be tough, but if you just stop a habit, it won't go away, you have to replace it. So, Every time I catch myself hating on my body I will focus on positive aspects of my body for 5 minutes and then I will do something for which it deserves thanks for 30 minutes.
I will focus on this challenge for the next 3 months (ish. Till my birthday at the end of July) If you would like to join me, please do. Feel free to share any great body discoveries in the comments. I will try to blog my discoveries/ thanks body sessions each day. Remind me if I miss a day. :)
Monday, April 29, 2013
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Mother
I am a vessel.
Filled with gifts
Others come and ask of me
And I give
Wondering that the vessel is never empty
Filled with gifts
Others come and ask of me
And I give
Wondering that the vessel is never empty
Random thoughts in my head.
Tried to go to church today. The Baby wasn't having it. He screamed and screamed as we were trying to get out out the door. I finally gave up. My section
incision is burning. It has been since last night when I went to bed.
Wonder why. Trying to figure out how to add more protein to my diet.
Don't like meat. Makes it hard. Don't like eggs. Working on that one.
Beans. . . I know I know. Trying to get back on the wagon after being
sick can be really hard. Baby finally sleeping. Must spend time with
the husband.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Things I have learned from dieting
1) It's really freaking hard.
2) I find myself thinking about food CONSTANTLY. It's very irritating. If i'm not wondering how I could have cut calories better in the last meal, I'm planning the next one. I feel seriously one track minded.
3) Drinking water makes it easiER (it's still freaking hard) but it means I have to go pee every like 30 minutes.
4) Dieting (and let's be honest here, I'm not going to stick to a fad diet. Just not going to happen) really means making a long term change in my life. I have to retrain my brain and my body to like different foods and to have different comfort mechanisms. It's about changing my entire relationship with food. Food does not like to be broken up with.
2) I find myself thinking about food CONSTANTLY. It's very irritating. If i'm not wondering how I could have cut calories better in the last meal, I'm planning the next one. I feel seriously one track minded.
3) Drinking water makes it easiER (it's still freaking hard) but it means I have to go pee every like 30 minutes.
4) Dieting (and let's be honest here, I'm not going to stick to a fad diet. Just not going to happen) really means making a long term change in my life. I have to retrain my brain and my body to like different foods and to have different comfort mechanisms. It's about changing my entire relationship with food. Food does not like to be broken up with.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Baby story Part the first
HAHA I started this post several months ago, and with baby and all else it didn't get posted. It's not complete, but if I wait for it to be complete, it will never get posted, so I'll post some today, and try to post more of my pregnancy story and birth story later.
So, yes, it's been almost a year. I bet you all thought I'd forgotten about this little writing thing I was doing. Well, I didn't, it's just been a crazy year. Now I wish I'd been more faithful about writing because I can't remember what made it so busy. I know that starting in April, I was exhausted almost all the time. There was a good reason for that. I know that I was working full time plus. I know that I worried about saying the wrong thing or causing pain for people that I love. There is also a good reason for that. They just happen to be the same reason. In April, we learned that we, Brandon and I, would be having a baby. I was over the moon excited! I've wanted to be a Mommy since. . . well, probably since I was born! But more realistically for as long as i can remember. However, I guess I'm a pessimist because I found out I was pregnant and my first thought was something like: "I don't want to tell anyone yet because what if I miscarry and then I have to explain THAT to everyone." So, I kept it to myself, and consequently went off the grid.
I learned that the first trimester is exhausting!!! So often people have told me that the first trimester is the time for morning sickness. I'm here to say that every woman is different! Because I threw up a grand total of three times the entire pregnancy. The first time I had a migraine and had not eaten for 16 to 18 hours. Believe me this was a very bad idea. There's a reason pregnant women should keep crackers by the bed. Dry heaves is not my idea of fun. I literally felt like I was simultaneously and involuntarily humping the toilet and burying my face in a shrine to the porcelain diety. Not eating doesn't make anything better. Apparently, eating didn't make it better this time either because the second time, was about 30 minutes and one bowl of cereal after the first time. It included more dry heaves, and this time, as my Father would say: "calling Mama Moose on the great white telephone." As soon as my husband got home I asked him to clean the toilet. I managed to keep it mostly clean through the rest of the pregnancy. There is nothing worse than throwing up in a dirty toilet. Just sayin'. The third time I was an innocent victim of a toothbrush. I quickly learned that the back of my tongue would have to make do with mouthwash unless I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a toothbrush in my mouth and dry heaves. So, perhaps it was a blessing just for me, but morning sickness wasn't bad at all! What was bad? Heartburn and EXHAUSTION!! On that note, WHY did no one tell me that heartburn is a pregnancy thing?? That totally sideswiped me.
But about the exhaustion: It was almost like I couldn't stand to be conscious for more than an hour before my body began to betray me. But the complete shut down of my body from seemingly causeless exhaustion caught me completely by surprise as well.
You see, I come from a family of super women! Literally. Two of my sisters built their houses while they were pregnant. I don't mean they hired people and had a house built, I mean one sister, by herself, with her two hands built a house! She even got up on the roof and was putting on shingles while she was very pregnant!! The other was assisting with laying tile and minor electrical work. I grew up on stories of my Mother helping haul hay while pregnant! My baby sister worked 50 + hours weekly while pregnant with her first. My Brothers wife decided to paint her house pregnant! I could probably go on, but it would be redundant. The point is that the women I know don't stop going, they don't take naps, and they certainly don't look like they've been hammered and drug through an exhausted mine backwards just because they are growing a baby! (Some would say that these are stupid dangerous things to be doing while pregnant, and I'll admit that to some extent they are, but that is a moot point because Women in my family don't care!! If something needs to be done, we are going to do it.)
I on the other hand, wanted nothing more than to lay in my bed and never see the sun again almost as soon as my body registered that my baby was coming.
Somehow I made it through (obviously) and about 16 weeks, I finally was able to handle life again.
So, yes, it's been almost a year. I bet you all thought I'd forgotten about this little writing thing I was doing. Well, I didn't, it's just been a crazy year. Now I wish I'd been more faithful about writing because I can't remember what made it so busy. I know that starting in April, I was exhausted almost all the time. There was a good reason for that. I know that I was working full time plus. I know that I worried about saying the wrong thing or causing pain for people that I love. There is also a good reason for that. They just happen to be the same reason. In April, we learned that we, Brandon and I, would be having a baby. I was over the moon excited! I've wanted to be a Mommy since. . . well, probably since I was born! But more realistically for as long as i can remember. However, I guess I'm a pessimist because I found out I was pregnant and my first thought was something like: "I don't want to tell anyone yet because what if I miscarry and then I have to explain THAT to everyone." So, I kept it to myself, and consequently went off the grid.
I learned that the first trimester is exhausting!!! So often people have told me that the first trimester is the time for morning sickness. I'm here to say that every woman is different! Because I threw up a grand total of three times the entire pregnancy. The first time I had a migraine and had not eaten for 16 to 18 hours. Believe me this was a very bad idea. There's a reason pregnant women should keep crackers by the bed. Dry heaves is not my idea of fun. I literally felt like I was simultaneously and involuntarily humping the toilet and burying my face in a shrine to the porcelain diety. Not eating doesn't make anything better. Apparently, eating didn't make it better this time either because the second time, was about 30 minutes and one bowl of cereal after the first time. It included more dry heaves, and this time, as my Father would say: "calling Mama Moose on the great white telephone." As soon as my husband got home I asked him to clean the toilet. I managed to keep it mostly clean through the rest of the pregnancy. There is nothing worse than throwing up in a dirty toilet. Just sayin'. The third time I was an innocent victim of a toothbrush. I quickly learned that the back of my tongue would have to make do with mouthwash unless I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a toothbrush in my mouth and dry heaves. So, perhaps it was a blessing just for me, but morning sickness wasn't bad at all! What was bad? Heartburn and EXHAUSTION!! On that note, WHY did no one tell me that heartburn is a pregnancy thing?? That totally sideswiped me.
But about the exhaustion: It was almost like I couldn't stand to be conscious for more than an hour before my body began to betray me. But the complete shut down of my body from seemingly causeless exhaustion caught me completely by surprise as well.
You see, I come from a family of super women! Literally. Two of my sisters built their houses while they were pregnant. I don't mean they hired people and had a house built, I mean one sister, by herself, with her two hands built a house! She even got up on the roof and was putting on shingles while she was very pregnant!! The other was assisting with laying tile and minor electrical work. I grew up on stories of my Mother helping haul hay while pregnant! My baby sister worked 50 + hours weekly while pregnant with her first. My Brothers wife decided to paint her house pregnant! I could probably go on, but it would be redundant. The point is that the women I know don't stop going, they don't take naps, and they certainly don't look like they've been hammered and drug through an exhausted mine backwards just because they are growing a baby! (Some would say that these are stupid dangerous things to be doing while pregnant, and I'll admit that to some extent they are, but that is a moot point because Women in my family don't care!! If something needs to be done, we are going to do it.)
I on the other hand, wanted nothing more than to lay in my bed and never see the sun again almost as soon as my body registered that my baby was coming.
Somehow I made it through (obviously) and about 16 weeks, I finally was able to handle life again.
Motivation.
Warning: If personal issues make you uncomfortable, stop reading now.
I've been trying to lose weight. I've been using sparkpeople.com again because I had so much success with it before I got pregnant with my son. Unfortunately, I got really sick a couple weeks ago, and basically gave myself permission to eat whatever sounded good. Then my husband got sick and I was so stressed about him missing a week of work and everything that I didn't make myself get back on the wagon. I didn't put on much weight in the two weeks that I was frolicking in the fields instead of leading the parade, but I didn't lose any either. I have so much i want to lose. I need to remember why I'm doing this. So here we go.
My reasons for wanting to lose 80 lbs.
1) I will be much healthier without the extra weight. I've always known this, it's having the picture in my head that gets tricky. I want to be able to do the physical activities that sound fun to me without feeling held back by sweat or fear of someone seeing my fat jiggle. I want to have lower blood pressure. I want to have a lower resting heart rate. I want my muscles to feel alive like they have when I've been working out every day. I want to feel the joy of running just for running's sake like I did when I was a child.
2) I want to be able to play with my son when he starts crawling and walking. And by "play with my son" I don't mean lay on the floor and tickle him or sit on a bench while he plays at the park, I mean I want to have the energy to play tag with him and cowboys and indians and cops and robbers and catch and anti-I-over and red rover and tag and all those crazy fun games I used to love when I was a kid.
3)I want my son to see me have an active healthy lifestyle so that he will want the same. Really I want my son to have a healthier more active life than I've had. I want him to enjoy being outdoors and running. I want him to feel the joy of having a physical body. But I know that in order for him to understand those joys, He has to see them in action. If he only see's his Mama on the computer all the time, that's what he will want to do for fun. I get to be the one to show him how awesome it is to ride a stick pony and push the merry go round and run just for the joy of feeling the wind in his hair.
4) I want to feel beautiful in my skin. Let's be honest, I've never really liked my body. This is something I've been working on recently. I started with trying to remember a time when I did like my body, or at least a time when I didn't think "Icka"about it. It's hard. I remember thinking my body was beautiful when I first went to the temple, but thinking "maybe not beautiful in the way other people would recognize, and that can be ok." Having a baby has actually helped because: "Wow!! Look what my body did! and look what it can do now!" however, I still struggle with being ok with how my body looks. shallow sal I know. Now, this next part could be a little icky for some who may be reading this, however, I need to be honest about my reasons, and this is part of this reason. My husband has this endearing habit of touching me. Unfortunately because of my body issues, I always wonder if he's feeling my fat or if he's feeling ME. . . usually I assume it's my fat. I want to not be that way anymore. I want to not recoil in fear when my husband touches. Whether that be fear of what he's feeling or fear of what he might feel or fear of what he will think if he feels what I think is there. I understand that this is an issue that losing weight alone will not fix, but it's still a motivating force for m.
5) I want clothes to fit me better. Recently several women in my ward at Church have offered clothes for free to anyone who wants them. . . they have always been too small. How fun will it be to be able to at least go try them on in the future? How fun will it be to be able to see a cute shirt at the mall or even at walmart and not have my first thought be "I wish they would make that in my size." How fun will it be to feel ok going somewhere other than Lane Bryant ( as much as I love that store) to find clothes? I want to be able to buy bras that aren't engineering miracles. (My husband may not agree with that last part, but there it is.) I want to be able to buy pretty bras and cute flirty clothes and not feel like they are going to show my worst flabby area. . . I hate that feeling. It's time to take control and create a body that feels beautiful to me in whatever I'm wearing.
6) My son was born c section. I've ALWAYS wanted to know what it's like to have a baby naturally, no meds, no surgery, no help. I believe my body can do this and I believe it was really made to do this. Because My first baby was born c-section, if I'm ever going to experience what a vaginal delivery is like, I HAVE to get healthy. If I get pregnant without being healthy, the doctors will not let me try a VBAC. I know this may sound crazy to some people out there, but it's a big deal to me. Birth has always been fascinating to me. I want to experience that for myself. Next time I will be able to feel all of my body, and I will not have major abdominal surgery. There are some advantages to both Mom and Baby with doing things as naturally as possible. I'm not afraid of this. I'm actually excited. I just need to get my body ready FIRST.
7) My son had some pretty intense complications because of my weight and my high blood pressure. After he was born the doctor informed me that even hours later and the outcome may have been much less happy. My children (yes I'm including those yet to be) deserve to have a healthy vessel to start their lives in.
Can you tell I'm a proud Mama? This next one isn't mine, but I'm using it to represent the ones to come. :)
8) I deserve to have a healthy vessel to live in. I am a daughter of GOD. HE gave me this body, this sacred vessel to take me through this life. Not only do I DESERVE to have it be healthy, it is my stewardship. I get to take care of this body because it's the only one I get.
9) I want more energy. I want to WANT to get out and exercise/ play/ have fun being active.
10) I want a new wardrobe. When I drop the weight, I will have to buy new clothes because none of my old clothes will fit. I already had to take in my pants, and that felt awesome! Next stop I'm going to purchase something new for myself.
11) my husband and I are getting financially fit. I want to have a physically fit body so I can enjoy the life we will lead when we are out of debt.
I need to think of more reasons so that when those late night munchies hit I can hit back, but for now, that's what I can think of. I got bored of finding pics. . . sorry. :)
I've been trying to lose weight. I've been using sparkpeople.com again because I had so much success with it before I got pregnant with my son. Unfortunately, I got really sick a couple weeks ago, and basically gave myself permission to eat whatever sounded good. Then my husband got sick and I was so stressed about him missing a week of work and everything that I didn't make myself get back on the wagon. I didn't put on much weight in the two weeks that I was frolicking in the fields instead of leading the parade, but I didn't lose any either. I have so much i want to lose. I need to remember why I'm doing this. So here we go.
My reasons for wanting to lose 80 lbs.
1) I will be much healthier without the extra weight. I've always known this, it's having the picture in my head that gets tricky. I want to be able to do the physical activities that sound fun to me without feeling held back by sweat or fear of someone seeing my fat jiggle. I want to have lower blood pressure. I want to have a lower resting heart rate. I want my muscles to feel alive like they have when I've been working out every day. I want to feel the joy of running just for running's sake like I did when I was a child.
2) I want to be able to play with my son when he starts crawling and walking. And by "play with my son" I don't mean lay on the floor and tickle him or sit on a bench while he plays at the park, I mean I want to have the energy to play tag with him and cowboys and indians and cops and robbers and catch and anti-I-over and red rover and tag and all those crazy fun games I used to love when I was a kid.
3)I want my son to see me have an active healthy lifestyle so that he will want the same. Really I want my son to have a healthier more active life than I've had. I want him to enjoy being outdoors and running. I want him to feel the joy of having a physical body. But I know that in order for him to understand those joys, He has to see them in action. If he only see's his Mama on the computer all the time, that's what he will want to do for fun. I get to be the one to show him how awesome it is to ride a stick pony and push the merry go round and run just for the joy of feeling the wind in his hair.
4) I want to feel beautiful in my skin. Let's be honest, I've never really liked my body. This is something I've been working on recently. I started with trying to remember a time when I did like my body, or at least a time when I didn't think "Icka"about it. It's hard. I remember thinking my body was beautiful when I first went to the temple, but thinking "maybe not beautiful in the way other people would recognize, and that can be ok." Having a baby has actually helped because: "Wow!! Look what my body did! and look what it can do now!" however, I still struggle with being ok with how my body looks. shallow sal I know. Now, this next part could be a little icky for some who may be reading this, however, I need to be honest about my reasons, and this is part of this reason. My husband has this endearing habit of touching me. Unfortunately because of my body issues, I always wonder if he's feeling my fat or if he's feeling ME. . . usually I assume it's my fat. I want to not be that way anymore. I want to not recoil in fear when my husband touches. Whether that be fear of what he's feeling or fear of what he might feel or fear of what he will think if he feels what I think is there. I understand that this is an issue that losing weight alone will not fix, but it's still a motivating force for m.
5) I want clothes to fit me better. Recently several women in my ward at Church have offered clothes for free to anyone who wants them. . . they have always been too small. How fun will it be to be able to at least go try them on in the future? How fun will it be to be able to see a cute shirt at the mall or even at walmart and not have my first thought be "I wish they would make that in my size." How fun will it be to feel ok going somewhere other than Lane Bryant ( as much as I love that store) to find clothes? I want to be able to buy bras that aren't engineering miracles. (My husband may not agree with that last part, but there it is.) I want to be able to buy pretty bras and cute flirty clothes and not feel like they are going to show my worst flabby area. . . I hate that feeling. It's time to take control and create a body that feels beautiful to me in whatever I'm wearing.
6) My son was born c section. I've ALWAYS wanted to know what it's like to have a baby naturally, no meds, no surgery, no help. I believe my body can do this and I believe it was really made to do this. Because My first baby was born c-section, if I'm ever going to experience what a vaginal delivery is like, I HAVE to get healthy. If I get pregnant without being healthy, the doctors will not let me try a VBAC. I know this may sound crazy to some people out there, but it's a big deal to me. Birth has always been fascinating to me. I want to experience that for myself. Next time I will be able to feel all of my body, and I will not have major abdominal surgery. There are some advantages to both Mom and Baby with doing things as naturally as possible. I'm not afraid of this. I'm actually excited. I just need to get my body ready FIRST.
7) My son had some pretty intense complications because of my weight and my high blood pressure. After he was born the doctor informed me that even hours later and the outcome may have been much less happy. My children (yes I'm including those yet to be) deserve to have a healthy vessel to start their lives in.
8) I deserve to have a healthy vessel to live in. I am a daughter of GOD. HE gave me this body, this sacred vessel to take me through this life. Not only do I DESERVE to have it be healthy, it is my stewardship. I get to take care of this body because it's the only one I get.
9) I want more energy. I want to WANT to get out and exercise/ play/ have fun being active.
10) I want a new wardrobe. When I drop the weight, I will have to buy new clothes because none of my old clothes will fit. I already had to take in my pants, and that felt awesome! Next stop I'm going to purchase something new for myself.
11) my husband and I are getting financially fit. I want to have a physically fit body so I can enjoy the life we will lead when we are out of debt.
I need to think of more reasons so that when those late night munchies hit I can hit back, but for now, that's what I can think of. I got bored of finding pics. . . sorry. :)
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