Motivation.

 Warning:  If personal issues make you uncomfortable, stop reading now.

I've been trying to lose weight.  I've been using sparkpeople.com again because I had so much success with it before I got pregnant with my son.  Unfortunately, I got really sick a couple weeks ago, and basically gave myself permission to eat whatever sounded good.  Then my husband got sick and I was so stressed about him missing a week of work and everything that I didn't make myself get back on the wagon.  I didn't put on much weight in the two weeks that I was frolicking in the fields instead of leading the parade, but I didn't lose any either.  I have so much i want to lose.  I need to remember why I'm doing this.  So here we go. 
My reasons for wanting to lose 80 lbs.


1) I will be much healthier without the extra weight. I've always known this, it's having the picture in my head that gets tricky.  I want to be able to do the physical activities that sound fun to me without feeling held back by sweat or fear of someone seeing my fat jiggle.  I want to have lower blood pressure. I want to have a lower resting heart rate.  I want my muscles to feel alive like they have when I've been working out every day.  I want to feel the joy of running just for running's sake like I did when I was a child.
 
2) I want to be able to play with my son when he starts crawling and walking.  And by "play with my son" I don't mean lay on the floor and tickle him or sit on a bench while he plays at the park, I mean I want to have the energy to play tag with him and cowboys and indians and cops and robbers and catch and anti-I-over and red rover and tag and all those crazy fun games I used to love when I was a kid.

3)I want my son to see me have an active healthy lifestyle so that he will want the same.  Really I want my son to have a healthier more active life than I've had.  I want him to enjoy being outdoors and running.  I want him to feel the joy of having a physical body.  But I know that in order for him to understand those joys, He has to see them in action.  If he only see's his Mama on the computer all the time, that's what he will want to do for fun.  I get to be the one to show him how awesome it is to ride a stick pony and push the merry go round and run just for the joy of feeling the wind in his hair.

4) I want to feel beautiful in my skin.  Let's be honest, I've never really liked my body.  This is something I've been working on recently.  I started with trying to remember a time when I did like my body, or at least a time when I didn't think "Icka"about it.  It's hard.  I remember thinking my body was beautiful when I first went to the temple, but thinking "maybe not beautiful in the way other people would recognize, and that can be ok." Having a baby has actually helped because: "Wow!! Look what my body did! and look what it can do now!" however, I still struggle with being ok with how my body looks.  shallow sal I know.  Now, this next part could be a little icky for some who may be reading this, however, I need to be honest about my reasons, and this is part of this reason. My husband has this endearing habit of touching me.  Unfortunately because of my body issues, I always wonder if he's feeling my fat or if he's feeling ME. . . usually I assume it's my fat.  I want to not be that way anymore.  I want to not recoil in fear when my husband touches.  Whether that be fear of what he's feeling or fear of what he might feel or fear of what he will think if he feels what I think is there.   I understand that this is an issue that losing weight alone will not fix, but it's still a motivating force for m.

5) I want clothes to fit me better. Recently several women in my ward at Church have offered clothes for free to anyone who wants them. . . they have always been too small.  How fun will it be to be able to at least go try them on in the future?  How fun will it be to be able to see a cute shirt at the mall or even at walmart and not have my first thought be "I wish they would make that in my size." How fun will it be to feel ok going somewhere other than Lane Bryant ( as much as I love that store) to find clothes?  I want to be able to buy bras that aren't engineering miracles.  (My husband may not agree with that last part, but there it is.) I want to be able to buy pretty bras and cute flirty clothes and not feel like they are going to show my worst flabby area. . . I hate that feeling.  It's time to take control and create a body that feels beautiful to me in whatever I'm wearing.

6) My son was born c section.  I've ALWAYS wanted to know what it's like to have a baby naturally, no meds, no surgery, no help.  I believe my body can do this and I believe it was really made to do this.  Because My first baby was born c-section, if I'm ever going to experience what a vaginal delivery is like, I HAVE to get healthy.  If I get pregnant without being healthy, the doctors will not let me try a VBAC.  I know this may sound crazy to some people out there, but it's a big deal to me.  Birth has always been fascinating to me.  I want to experience that for myself.  Next time I will be able to feel all of my body, and I will not have major abdominal surgery.  There are some advantages to both Mom and Baby with doing things as naturally as possible.  I'm not afraid of this.  I'm actually excited.  I just need to get my body ready FIRST. 

7) My son had some pretty intense complications because of my weight and my high blood pressure.  After he was born the doctor informed me that even hours later and the outcome may have been much less happy.  My children (yes I'm including those yet to be) deserve to have a healthy vessel to start their lives in. 

Can you tell I'm a proud Mama?  This next one isn't mine, but I'm using it to represent the ones to come.  :)


8) I deserve to have a healthy vessel to live in.  I am a daughter of GOD.  HE gave me this body, this sacred vessel to take me through this life.  Not only do I DESERVE to have it be healthy, it is my stewardship.  I get to take care of this body because it's the only one I get.

 

9) I want more energy.  I want to WANT to get out and exercise/ play/ have fun being active.

10) I want a new wardrobe. When I drop the weight, I will have to buy new clothes because none of my old clothes will fit. I already had to take in my pants, and that felt awesome!  Next stop I'm going to purchase something new for myself.

11) my husband and I are getting financially fit.  I want to have a physically fit body so I can enjoy the life we will lead when we are out of debt.

I need to think of more reasons so that when those late night munchies hit I can hit back, but for now, that's what I can think of.  I got bored of finding pics. . . sorry.  :)